June is Pride Month, a time when LGBTQ+ lives and history are recognized and
celebrated. This got me thinking about the intersection of Pride Month and
genealogy. Here are a few reflections based on my own experiences:
·
A cousin of my father’s—a WWII veteran—committed
suicide at the age of 26. When I began talking with some of my older cousins in
the late 1990s, they spoke in hushed tones about the mental health issues that
led to his death. Rumors that he was gay were even more whispered. The stigmas
were so strong that they couldn’t be openly discussed even 50 years after his
passing.
·
My grandfather, Jack Weil, had two brothers (Abe
and Moe) and a sister (Sadie) who never married. Were they gay? I’m not
sure—family members told me that Sadie dated men seriously, but it "just
never happened for her." I do know that my great-uncle Abe Weil was quite
eccentric, owned an antique shop, and had the icon of a roller skate (or ice
skate?) on his tombstone.
·
Getting genealogical software to recognize
same-sex relationships was a struggle for the first 10+ years I was doing
family history research. I had to "trick" the software into accepting
my cousin’s family by initially entering one member of the couple as a man,
then changing her gender afterward. Even then, I would receive errors every
time I accessed her record!
·
Indicating that someone is trans or non-binary
is still challenging with the software I’ve encountered. Most programs assume a
static gender binary: a person is born male and remains male for life. In
reality, a person might be assumed male as a child but identify with a
different gender—or none at all—later in life. Newer software has more options
for gender and doesn’t base relationships on the gender binary.
·
Names change too, and I try very hard to avoid
deadnaming relatives. I’m not always successful, as records are often tied to
"official" names rather than the names people use every day.
My genealogical philosophy is to represent people and relationships in my
records as they truly are, rather than in some idealized form. I grew up with
gay cousins who had families of their own and saw the generations before me
slowly come to terms with their prejudiced notions of the traditional Jewish
family and gender expectations. With the current generation, I’ve been thrilled
to include more same-sex couples, trans cousins, and non-traditional family
units in ways that are... unremarkable and normal. As it should be. Happy Pride!
